Who Says the In-Flight Entertainment Sucks?

Written by Kyle about United States. Feelin' amused

With my iPod running out of new tunes to listen to and the in-flight magazine having been thoroughly read, I turned to the last resource of entertainment on an airplane: the Sky Mall catalog.

Until this time, I had never really decided to peruse the things that were sold on a plane. In fact, the thought of shopping at 30,000 feet never really crossed my mind because I don't like shopping at 0 ft, much less when I'm crammed in a flying metal tube with a bunch of strangers. Boredom will make you do funny things, I guess.

What I did find in the shopping catalog, though, provided me with hours if in-flight entertainment that far surpasses any movie that I have seen. Here's a sampling of some of the wares you can find flying high in the sky:

Sure, this may make your mind stronger by allowing you to focus your brain waves, but will it make you more resistant to the constant laughing of your friends after they see you doing this?

The Crap They Sell on Planes-5

Nothing says fun like a tiny, luminescent, robotic fish swimming around your pool.

The Crap They Sell on Planes-6

If the robotic fish doesn't provide enough 70s disco light action for you, there's always this dazzling light show. It's kind of like the one at the Bellagio in Vegas, minus the "interesting" factor.

The Crap They Sell on Planes-3

I know what your thinking: I love pogo sticks. I love pools. Finally, my two loves have come together! I'm still waiting for the an underwater bicycle myself.

The Crap They Sell on Planes

If there's one way to make sure your neighbors never ask to babysit their kids, this is it.

The Crap They Sell on Planes-4

"The lightweight plastic design allows complete control while chasing flying insects." It also allows you to look like a schizo while furiously waving a small vacuum cleaner at a tiny fly.

The Crap They Sell on Planes-7

Haven't they already invented this? I think it's called a "net".

The Crap They Sell on Planes-14

Thanks to Raft Caddy, the whole deflating and inflating process doesn't take away from my valuable pool lounging time. I would also like to mention that I don't like making instant coffee because of all that wasted time "heating water".

The Crap They Sell on Planes-12

I guess if you bought the Raft Caddy for your inflatable pool items, you have to exercise your lungs somehow.

The Crap They Sell on Planes-11

I agree. This totally looks better than a face lift.

The Crap They Sell on Planes-8

This just goes in for an honorable mention for worst picture. I'm sure it's comfortable, but it looks like she passed out drunk on two pieces of shipping Styrofoam.

The Crap They Sell on Planes-10

Not only will you get a good sleep on the plane, but you will effectively piss off the guy in front of you who will not be able to recline his seat in the slightest. Take that, other passenger!

The Crap They Sell on Planes-9

Wouldn't it be cheaper just to stand in front of a neon sign for 30 minutes a day?

The Crap They Sell on Planes-13

Undercooked brownie centers were a big worry for me. Well, that and removing the bread crusts from my sandwiches.

The Crap They Sell on Planes-15

I prefer to just duct tape my cell phone to my face. Way more convenient.

Next time you find yourself bored silly on a plane, I recommend picking up the in-flight catalog. It's the most unintentionally funny thing you have seen in the air since they showed that Rob Schneider move.

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June 11, 2010 Sally: Personally, I'm waiting for the underwater Etch and Sketch.

June 13, 2010 Kyle: LOL. I may have to steal that idea...I'll be rich!

June 11, 2010 Asa: Wow, that is hilarious. I can't believe these products actually exist. Great post.

June 11, 2010 Akila: I absolutely love SkyMall magazine. It's the first thing I check out when I get on a flight. The options for hilarity are endless. You missed my favorites, though ---- the personal hot dog toaster. I think that thing is awesome.

June 13, 2010 Kyle: I can't believe I've lived my life without a personal hot dog toaster. All this time, I've been eating cold hot dogs and wondering how I could possibly make them warmer :)

June 12, 2010 David: Skymall, the highlight of every journey to the US for me... Anne and I always skim through it to show each other the most ridiculous items. The zombie is one of my favourites...

June 13, 2010 Kyle: And you haven't bought anything? I'm sure you would be the toast of Austria with a Raft Caddy.

June 12, 2010 G @ Operation Backpack Asia: Omfg what airline were you on? I'm booking tickets on them just because their Sky-Mall KICKS ASS!! I'm pretty sure I need the kaleidoscopic disco fish. And the brownie pan. And I hate babysitting so I'm totally getting the zombie. Awesome article, I was dying laughing. I'm Stumbling it, Tweeting, Facebooking and every other way to talk to my same friends in 40 different ways on the internet for you. Cuz I know it'll make em laugh every time. And then hopefully they'll buy me the fish.

June 13, 2010 Kyle: I'm afraid, though, that if someone gets you the disco fish, that it'll ruin all other future gifts, as there will be absolutely no way that anyone could match the sheer awesomeness of a robotic glowing fish.

Thanks for passing the word on! We really appreciate it!

June 12, 2010 Donna: LOLOLOLOLOL

June 12, 2010 mumsie: Way too funny!!! "What will they think of next?" Thanks for sharing the comedy! :-D

June 12, 2010 Barbie: Wow!! It's obvious that with my job I get to check out sky mall almost everyday. My coworkers and I go through and comment on all the unusual things too. Did you happen to check out the gravity defyer sneakers on page 11 this month??? The logo is a mixture of the Nike swisch and a balloon mixed together but really turns out looking like......sperm!! Haha.

June 13, 2010 Kyle: So, I have to ask...do people actually buy any of that stuff from the sky mall? I mean, I've been on a lot of flights in my time but I've never actually seen anyone buy anything.

June 13, 2010 Kate: Great post! Don't forget the totally useful things in SkyMall catalogs, though. My father had an extremely intelligent and devious cat that wouldn't stop marking the furniture. I found an airhorn-style weight detector in the catalog that scared the cat (and the whole household) whenever it jumped onto the couch. It was fabulous, if short lived.

June 14, 2010 Kyle: That's actually a clever little device. Personally, I would give the cat a stern talk.

June 14, 2010 Erin: I LOVE the brownie pan. I would actually want one of those. Also, the zombie. If I owned a house, the zombie would have a permanent place in my flower garden.

June 14, 2010 Kyle: Maybe you can get 2 zombies so that it looks like they are hugging; it'll look like an undead Romeo and Juliet!

June 14, 2010 Earl: That's funny stuff! I actually wrote a post about this very topic a few months ago after finding about half a dozen ads for various types of Marshmallow Bazooka Launchers in a Sky Mall magazine. Sure, one or two would have been understandable, but six different types of marshmallow weapons seemed a little much.

The telekenetic obstacle course has been in the Sky Mall for years now, so I would assume that people must be buying it!

June 14, 2010 Kyle: So, what you're saying is that you are the proud owner of a Marshmallow Bazooka Launcher? I hope so :)

June 14, 2010 Earl: Unfortunately I've never been able to decide which would be more useful - the bazooka, rifle or the rocket launcher!

June 14, 2010 Rose P.: Hilarious...thanks for sharing!

June 18, 2010 Linda: I've always considered the SkyMall Magazine top-flight entertainment. I even brought one home once because the entertainment value of the items was just too good not to share with family, friends, and co-workers. In the last SkyMall that I read, I particularly liked the artificial grass rectangle for an in-home potty for your dog with the "easy to empty" tray. In your post, I particularly liked the SkyRest. Can you imagine toting that on and off the plane....eh excuse me,... oops, sorry I bumped you....eh, I'm not sleepy....let me see if I can store it in the overhead compartment!