What all the books failed to mention about Korean culture

Before we came, we picked up a "Culture Shock - Korea" book, emailed some in-the-know friends about Korea's culture, and thoroughly read our guidebook's Korean culture section.  While all of the reading and recommendations came in handy for the first months here, and they are surely good resources for the casual traveler, it didn't adequately prepare us for the daily culture shock of Korea.  So, even though we did our homework before we came, here are some things we wish we knew about Korea before arriving:

Status is king


Status is everything.  I mean everything.  If you want to talk to someone in Korean, you have to know someone's status in relation to you just to start a conversation.  There are 5 status levels in the language, so depending on the other person's status, you have to change how you talk and sometimes even change words depending on whom you are talking to.

One's status is determined by two things: age and job.  If someone is just one year older than you, then you have to give them deference because their status is higher.  If someone is much older than you,  then that person has a much higher status than you.  The status obtained from a job is just as clear.  If someone is above you in the hierarchy, you have to show them more respect.

This sounds pretty reasonable when you read about it, but in practice, it is extremely frustrating to a Western mind.

Take going out to eat, for instance.  The simplest things are determined by one's status.  Typically, the person with the highest status never pours his/her own drink, orders the food, and generally runs the show during the course of the meal.  If that person gives you a drink, you drink it.  No questions asked.  If more water is needed, you better get your ass up and get some more water.

This of course extends to the work place.  When your boss tells you to do something, you are supposed to do it.  There's no discussion, no push back at all.  No matter how ridiculous the task may be, you are expected to do it to completion without complaint.  For example, one day one of the Korean teachers was complaining about her sore back so I asked her why.  She said "The director told us to come in on Saturday and clean the floors.  We didn't have mops, so we were all on our hands and knees for most of Saturday."  I politely asked her why she would ever do something like that outside of her job description and the response was simple: "Because I was told to do it".  The thought hadn't even occurred to her that she might have the free will not to do it.

With so much power wielded by those with status, it's no wonder Koreans work the longest hours in the world, ostensibly trying to up their lot in relation to other people.
 
Your time is not important


Working hard is one thing.  I can respect that.  Working for the sake of working is annoying, yet still understandable.  Having to come to work to do nothing, just so you have to spend hours at the office is just ridiculous.  And yet, this is what happens.

A number of instances during transition times (before holidays, in between semesters), we've been asked to come to the school the same time as normal.  Were there classes?  No.  Was there anything to do?  No.  We just had to be there because they wanted to make sure that they were getting as much time out of us as possible.

Compared to public school teachers, though, we have nothing to complain about.  Many of those teachers have to show up for weeks with literally nothing to do and sit in their unheated office in the middle of winter.  They could be on vacation, or at home reading a book, or doing anything productive really.  But the choice was to have them come in and sit.

I haven't really figured out a reason behind this, either.  I think it's either two things: 1) the boss is trying to exert some control over you, so telling you to do things that don't need to be done just reinforces that control, 2) superiors feel insulted that they have to be at the office for longer hours than subordinates, so they just force people to stay as long as they are there.  Either way, from a Western mind, it's highly annoying and vaguely demeaning.

There are a lot of f$!#ing people


That bears repeating in italics: there are alot of f$!#ing people. The population of South Korea is 48 million people and all of those people are in a country the size of the state of Indiana.  Now factor in that most of the land in is mountainous, and you have a lot of people crammed into bunch of small, flat areas.  Now consider that about 23 million of those people live in the Seoul metropolitan area, and you have a recipe for crowds.

We feel the effects of this every day as there is nowhere to go without being surrounded by people.  We climbed a mountain, and were in a crowd worthy of a rock club.  Going grocery shopping is a bit like shopping on Black Friday, except that it is every day of the week.  And the subway during rush hour is nothing short of horrendous. 

For the first 6 months, I dreaded going anywhere because I knew the crowds that awaited as soon as I exited the subway.  I was a little claustrophobic being caught in a wave of humans everywhere I went.  Now that we've been here for almost a year, I've become a lot more comfortable with constantly being surrounded by people.  I'm not saying that I like it or seek it out, but at least I can go somewhere without being frustrated by the time I get there.

Everything is the same


Remember those 48 million people I talked about?  One third of them have the last surname Kim, Lee, or Park.  Sixty percent of them come from a pool of 10 surnames.  Essentially this means that over half the country historically descends from the same blood line.  There's not a lot of diversity in those numbers.

This cultural homogeneity extends into all areas of Korean life.  We've been all over Seoul, and outside of Itaewon, which is near the US military base, it all pretty much the same.  No matter where we go there is always a PC Room (PC Bang), Singing Room (Noraebang), shit tons of Korean restaurants, and some coffee houses.  And if you look hard enough and have a good memory, you will notice that most of the eating establishments are chain restaurants.  I expect that in Des Moines, but it's unexpected in a city the size of Seoul.  For the most part, any part of Seoul looks and feels about the same as the area of the city we live in.

And then, of course, there is the music.  K-pop is all about being the same.  There is very little that distinguishes one group from another other than the group member's names.  On top of that, every pop song has a dance that goes with it that inevitably most Koreans can do from memory.  Go to any dance club that plays K-pop and you will feel like you are in a non-stop Korean version of "Achy Breaky Heart".  Admittedly, the dances in Korea are much harder to learn, but its still the same "everybody do the same thing" mentality.  

There is so much homogeneity that I'm shocked by things that would normally roll right past me in the US.  "Hey, look, that Korean guy has a nose ring!" and "That woman died her hair pink!" are things that have come out of my mouth here but wouldn't even cause one synapse to fire back home.  Don't worry, I haven't developed a phobia for all things different; I'm just more aware of them when put against the Korean backdrop.  It's a bit like spotting on single drop spilled Kool-aide in an all white house - it just sticks out.

Kimchi cures everything


A.k.a. "My inferior Western diet is no match to the power of fermented cabbage."

In the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", the father insists that everything can be fixed with Windex.  Does your elbow hurt?  Put some Windex on it?  Have a pimple?  Windex it! 

Korea is pretty much the same thing, only substitute the windex with kimchi.

Q: Why did SARS never make it to Korea?
A: Koreans eat kimchi.

Q: How does one prevent the spread of swine flu?
A: Eat regular amounts of kimchi.

Q: How should you properly suture a wound?
A: Wrap it in kimchi.

Well, ok, maybe not that last one.  But the first two, I have heard more than once from different Korean sources.  Make no mistake: kimchi is a really healthy food.  It was even named one of the "World's Healthiest Foods" by Health magazine - I don't think American meatloaf made that list.  However, a lot of Korea has taken those health benefits and extrapolated them to include fixing ailments that most modern medicines can't fix. 

Take for instance the simple ailment of having a cough.  I've had a lot of those in Korea and quite frankly, it's most likely due to the bad air quality that enters my lungs every day.  I don't bother telling anyone that I am coughing because of the terrible air pollution, though, because I know the suggestion will be to eat more kimchi.  This will be followed by putting kimchi in front of me and watching while I eat it.

At this point, I just say "I feel sick. I should go home and eat some kimchi."

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Now would be an appropriate time to give my opinion on Korean culture, but I'm not going to do it.  Is it frustrating?  Definitely.  Does it anger me?  Sometimes.  Do I understand it?  Not really.  Korea is what it is.  No amount of me bickering about it or critiquing it is going to change a damn thing.  In many respects, it's not the way that I want to live, but that's ok.  Korea's unique culture works for Korea and that's all that counts.  Sure, it may have taken me a year to realize that, but it's a valuable lesson that will stick with me for a long time.